Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Etc.....

Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?

Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?

Have ex-punsters been expunged?

How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?

Why is it that whenever you sing to the radio, your voice is higher? Even when you have a low voice?

Why is most lunchmeat bigger than the bread?

Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being qualified as cold? At what temperature does it qualify as hot?

If you were a pastor, and you were getting married, would you hire a pastor, or would you do the wedding yourself?

Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters?

Can someone have their head in the clouds and be down-to-earth at the same time?

If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?

If you died with braces on would they take them off?

Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets?

If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke?

If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two players?

Why is shampoo clear but conditioner not?

Do cows have calf muscles?

How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep fried
potatoes?

Do babies produce more spit than adults?

Why do they say "an alarm going off," if it is really going on?

Friday, October 21, 2005

Been Busy, Enjoy.

Why do bars advertise live bands?

What does a dead band sound like?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down?

Why do guys wear underpants?

Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?

Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?

Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?

Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why do we have hot water heaters?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?

Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?

Why don't you ever see baby pigeons?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

Is it because of that song?

Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package
says, "Open somewhere else"?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

Have ex-bankers become disinterested?

Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?

Monday, October 17, 2005

Magic Monday

Is there a Dr. Salt?

Isn't hot water already hot?

Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?

Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

What came first the chicken or the egg?

What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

What color would a smurf turn if you choked it?

What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

What do sheep count when they can't sleep?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

What happened to the first 6 ups?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect?

What is a free gift?

Aren't all gifts free?

What is another word for "thesaurus"?

What is the speed of dark?

What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?

What's another word for synonym?

When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?

When people lose weight, where does it go?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Where are Preparations A through G?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Who invented accents?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?

Why are there never any artist's materials in a drawing room?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?

Why are we afraid of falling?

Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?

Why aren't there bulletproof pants?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why didn't Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force?

Why do airlines call flights nonstop?

Won't they all stop eventually?

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Working on a Saturday

Sucks big time. But what can you do? It pays the bills no? Anyway, here is some randomocity. Enjoy.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?

If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the side of the tube?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?

If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?

If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?

If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?

If you bear a child, why do you have a cow?

If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?

If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?

If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?

If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?

If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?

If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?

If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?

If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?

If you take a shower, where do you put it?

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?

If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

Is a castrated pig disgruntled?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

More Blah

World Wrestling Insanity

Could someone ever get addicted to counseling?

If so, how could you treat them?

Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do one legged ducks swim in circles?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?

Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

How can someone "draw a blank"?

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

How can there be "self help GROUPS"?

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

How do you know when yogurt goes bad?

How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?

How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound and would anyone care?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?

If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?

If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?

If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?

If a dog sweats through his tongue, why does he have armpits?

If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?

If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Monday, October 10, 2005

BLAH BLAH BLAH

Why is a woman in a suit a "business person” but a man in a dress is a "transvestite"?

When pigs fart, does it smell like bacon?

Was Dawson Named After The Creek or Was The Creek Named After Dawson?

Could a tanning bed kill a vampire? If not would they get a tan?

How long is it until your relationship is considered a long-term relationship?

Can you make cheese out of human breast milk?

IF MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES, WHY DO BANKS HAVE BRANCHES?

If you cut off a glowworm's tail would it be delighted?

How do you know which armrest is yours in the movie theaters?

If you say something is indescribable, isn't that describing it?

Do Dutch people always split the bill?

Can you sleep forever without being in coma?

Why is it called butterfingers when there is no butter or fingers in it?

If you shine a light into a mirror, do you get twice as much light?

How come it was called the Cosby Show when Billy Cosby's character was named Heathcliff Huxtible?

If a Truck is loaded with Helium, would it weigh less than when it was empty?

Wouldn't it get better fuel mileage?

Why is the blackboard green?

Why do they call it a black light when it's really purple?

Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?

What do you call male ballerinas?

How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?

If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?

Why are pennies bigger than dimes?

Did they have antiques in the olden days?

Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?

If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?

Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?

What came first, the fruit or the color orange?

Where does the white go when the snow melts?

Can blind people see their dreams?

If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?

Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't
go that fast on any road?

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves? and if so, aren't we all masochist?

why is it called lipstick when it always comes off?

If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"

Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't know if they are rhetorical questions or not?

Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?

Why do we leave expensive cars in the driveway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage?

why do they have handicap parking spaces in front of they skating rings?

What happens if someone loses a lost and found box?

Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?

What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?

If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?

What would happen if an Irresistible Force met an Immovable Object?

What's the difference between a wise man and a wise guy?

If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers?

how can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?

How can you hear yourself think?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?

Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?

How come thaw and unthaw mean the same thing?

If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas?

If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

if you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?

Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts, but have to put in your two cents worth?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

If the speed of movement is slower than the speed of light - how fast is a moving light?

why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?

Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?

How can something be new and improved? if it's new, what was it improving on?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Why did they name that underwear company fruit of the loom?

Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?

why do the ABC song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep all have the same tune?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

How does Santa get into a house that doesn't have a chimney?

If you get cheated by the better business bureau, who do you complain to?

If you're in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?

What would Cheese say if they got their picture taken?

why are turds pinched off at the end?

I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?

If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?

Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?

How come overtones and undertones are the same thing?

What would you use to dilute water?

What should one call a male ladybird?

How can military troops be deployed if they have never been ployed to begin with?

If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russians government, where would they send you?

Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Aren't all generalizations false?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Friday, October 07, 2005

The madness

What a surreal week in the Wrestling newsletter world. So much nonsense over something that shouldn't have been big or an issue that it has become. Jesus H. Christ. People choosing sides, people cancelling subscriptions. I just can't believe all the B.S.

It is madness and it makes me sad. What can i do though? You know?

No funny quips today. No pictures. No nothing. Not in the mood to do so. Just check out World Wrestling Insanity and enjoy yourself. It is a fun place to be. Also sign up for our free message board.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Wrestling Insanity.com

It's going well. Big things coming soon. The message board is livening up. I am having a blast.

Yanks in Anaheim tonight at 8:00 PM. Watch and enjoy.


Monday, October 03, 2005

YANKS ARE IN~!~!~!

The New York Yankees clinched the AL East, Again. For all the haters and non believers i say this, HAHA. Never sleep on a great team.

We open tomorrow in Anaheim for the Divisional Series. I fully expect us to win and play the Red Sox next weekend. Should be good.

My weekend was cool. Fiance was sick so we stayed home on Saturday. Sunday i hung out with some of her family i haven't had a chance to hang out with before. It was a hell of a time. Real good people.

The Insanity is here and flowing. Going good so far. This week is going to be a big news week though. I will keep you posted. In the meantime, check out the new message board and post on it.

Wrestling Insanity Message Board

Should be fun.

RAW returns to the USA Network tonight with a HUGE 3 HOUR SPECIAL. Tune in at 7:55 PM tonight for more. Now, i leave you with the Random Insanity:

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

Does a postman deliver his own mail?

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why doesn't a chicken egg taste like chicken?

Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?

Does peanut butter really have butter in it?

Do mimes watch silent movies?

Why do people say "You scared the living daylights out of me" when daylight is not living?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up "there" anyway?

If somebody vanished without a trace, how do people know they are missing?

Why are boxing rings square?

Why is it called pineapple, when's there neither pine nor apple in it?

Why is it called eggplant, when there's no egg in it?

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Why do birds have white poop?

Why is an elevator still called an elevator even when its going down?

Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.

If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?

If you accidentally ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?

Do sore thumbs really stick out?

Why is it when your almost dead your on deaths doorstep, but when your actually dead your not in deaths house?

Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?

What's the opposite of opposite?

If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?

Is the opposite of "out of whack" "in whack"

If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

On the periodic table, why do some elements have symbols with letters that aren't even in the word?

Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?

Why do they call it “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” when they know the answer is going to be everyone?

Why does Bugs bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?

If a terminator is someone who kills, shouldn't an exterminator be the opposite?

How many people do you need to consider it a mass suicide/murder?

If a robber tried to rob a dance club and yelled, "Everybody get down", would all the people start dancing?