Saturday, October 15, 2005

Working on a Saturday

Sucks big time. But what can you do? It pays the bills no? Anyway, here is some randomocity. Enjoy.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?

If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the side of the tube?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?

If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?

If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?

If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?

If you bear a child, why do you have a cow?

If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?

If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?

If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?

If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?

If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?

If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?

If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?

If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?

If you take a shower, where do you put it?

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?

If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

Is a castrated pig disgruntled?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

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